My name is Trevor. That is one of the few labels I have always been comfortable with. In the last year or two I have learned to accept my multiplicity of identities. Reading helps me understand these things. Understanding the way gender and race have been constructed to the detriment of so many people made me realize I can resist these categories in understanding myself. I have found a sense of liberation in the ability to accept my feelings of self-identity in between and outside of binaries like male/female and gay/straight. I now take pride in my genderqueer, cis-appearing, pansexual self. I don’t wanna paint it too rosy though, life sucks sometimes when you can’t be comfortable with the normalized conceptions of identity. But if you can find some people who accept you for whoever you are at that moment then you can learn to be comfortable with yourself. Hold on to those people, even if they don’t exist in your real life. If you don’t have those people please reach out. Find a new band to listen to and a new club to attend on campus. Don’t just tolerate this society that pinholes us all into categories. I remember one time I saw on xanga in like 8th grade a group that said ‘labels are for cans, my dear.’ That has really stayed with me. Also finding some arts help. Paint, rap, erotic photography… etc. you can do it all. Don’t listen when they say “love yourself” or “it gets better” without any explanation. Sometimes shit doesn’t get better.. World’s fucked up, racist, hellyphobic, selfish, selfiche, crook, full of kook-joke struggles. Progress does not move in a linear fashion, its helly cyclical… Sometimes you gotta try your best to make it better, and then you get knocked down, then you gotta try to pick yourself up again, you can do it, but it is sometimes hard as fuq. Anyway, I didn’t mean to make this all preachy. I am me. I am Trev. I am working on it. I talk a lot and try to listen. I got a cute puppy that helps me get through the day. The world is a pretty cool place if you can learn to ignore all the shit. Jokes, books, and jokebooks all help too. Anyway, in conclusion, I’ma stop trying so hard to love myself and start trying harder to love the world. Shit will probably fall into place.
-Trev
